No, it's not my break-up but my current roommate's.

My roommate at Caltech is this Chinese girls from Shanghai, third year grad student. My impression for her is skinny, shy, untidy , a bit unsocial, but oeverall a nice person. She doesn't talk much and I can't really get her to talk, so most of the time we stay in our rooms and occasionally bump into each other in the kitchen. I knew she had a boyfriend in New York from our (me, her and her
bf) unexpected encounter in the kitchen one night when he visited her.

A couple weeks ago, I heard shouting from her room. Out of my girl's intuition (is there such a thing?) I assumed a young girl can only as distressed when it involves the significant other, so I guess it must have something to do with the bf. The next day, she disappeared, and didn't show up in the apartment for 3 days. I got worried that she might hurt herself until she returned my email and confirmed my guess that she's visiting her bf in NY.

Tonight, starting at 8pm, I I've been hearing crying and sneezing sound from her room with occasional yelling and screaming. Having trouble doing anything productive in my room, I decided to listen on it for a bit. In 10 minutes, I can already sketch out what happened. She and her bf have been together for 2 years. Recently they had fight and the bf got dejected and cheated on her with another girl. She found out somehow (don't ask me how, all women are Sherlock Holmes), and confronted him on the home. The bastard(?) blamed it on long distance and blah blah. Anyway, she's apparently shocked by the cheating. Shocks then turns into disbelief, into anger, into self-pity, into weeping, all in 3 hours.

I felt I'm witnessing a live soap opera. No one around me has been the same situation. My sister broke up with her bf a couple years ago, also because of cheating. Apparently she applied lots of self-control and I only found out a few months later when she told me on MSN. None of my good girlfriend in seattle has a boyfriend, and of course nothing to gossip about. I've read, watched so many TV shows, movies, novels, blogs that deal with this kinda of topic. But never actually witnessed one.

All she kept saying in her conversation is "how can you do this to me?" and "I can't believe you did this to me!". Listening to this, I wonder what's the use of fighting when love has faded. Or maybe the reason I can think logically is because I haven't experienced such emotional moment in my life. But I picked up the phone and called Ben and told him that I'll only cry for 30 minutes if I ever break up with him. Then I'll move on to bigger and better things. :p

www.cs.caltech.edu/~aliu

This is my new site. I also opened up a blog in there that talks about life at Caltech in general. I will keeping posting to this site, probably about things I can't really write in my public site. Take a look and let me know what you think! :)

 

My new apartment at Caltech is pretty nice and clean. The only complaint I have is the lack of TV in the living room. I'm spoiled from our free cable TV in Nordheim, and nights without HBO, Friends, Will and Grace, Sex and the City is just intolerable. As a matter of fact, I started watching TV shows online. One show I recently got interested in is the CBS "Numb3rs".

"Numb3rs" is one of those CSI detective, scientific investigation movie. The only difference that separates it from the rest is that mathematics is used intesively to solve each case. And actually, they brought in the show this fictional genius rock star mathematician "Charlie Eppes" whos serves as both a professor at "CalSci" and a consultant for FBI. As we all know "CalSci" is a fictional school, it is clearly modelled after "Caltech". In the show, there are frequent scenes that take place in Caltech campus, and from what I heard from other Caltech student, the crew actually just came to the campus for some shooting. 

Regardless of whether the math in the show is applicable, I did a little search on Wiki. Turned out that the show was orginally to take place in MIT, but it ended up using Caltech. And because that Caltech wants no association with the show, they made up the fictional name "CalSci". There are several mathematicians consult for the show and the equations show up for each case are actually appropriate for the situation. But in reality does math, pattern finding, and action prediction really work that well for crime solving? Well, that's not the reason I watch the show right? :p

Full episodes of Numb3rs: http://video.aol.com/video-category/numb3rs/2995

After discussing with my dad, we decided that the best way to get me to California is probably by car. On the one hand, I have lots to bring and Seattle isn't terribly far from Cali. On the other, a road trip along the west coast is something not to be missed. Before departure, we did our homework about all the attractions on the way, and given the time constraint (4 days), cut them down to just a few, which includes Oregon Art Museum, Highway 101 along the coast, 17-mile drive, Carmel, and Hearst Castle. Something told me that it would not be exactly a trip if I were to go with my parents. My mom has the nerve as thing as a hair. She also has the tendacy of being demanding, picky, bossy, and moody. It was never fun traveling with her because very few things please her. 

My prediction was proven correct in this trip. On our way, both the weather and the view were spectacular. We drove on the winding path next to the silky ocean. We visited lovely decorated streets and restaurants. But all these feels like prolonged torture to me. I reflected back the trip I had with Ben this last summer, and constantly pictured how wonderful it would be if I were to go on this trip with him or any of my good friends. 

A trip to the great temples in Rome can be painful. An vacation taken in a sun-baked cottage surrounded by sunflower fields in Tuscany can be nerves-raking. But with the right person, a walk to the coffee shop around the corner can be heaven.

I intended to document my trip that crossed 3 countries in 1.5 months but as on can imagine, the plan fell through since day 1. To ease my guilt, I guess I'll start with a few thoughts I had during the trip. Let me start with something I didn't enjoy much.

 I think it's safe to say that it was the best summer I have ever had in my 22-year life. Fun, carefree, and best of all, with someone I'm happy to spend every moment with. But I was relieved about two things when I finally came back to Seattle. 

First is the weather. After spending 4 years in the beautiful pacific northwest, I found myself having trouble with the typical weather in Asia - hot and humid. Being in and out of A/C constantly throughout the day, I was already having a headache without my cold. 

The second and the worst is the pest problem. Yes, cockroaches!! I have always had a "thing" with cockroaches since a dramatic incident that I do not wish to recite anymore. One great thing about Seattle is that cockroach is almost non-existent here. But the trip back to Asia totally brought up the horrid memory. I had 3 encounters with that terrible-looking insect in Taipei. Each one followed by a sleepless night. One time in Thailand and one time in Hong Kong. The most horrific encounter was in the hotel in Thailand. This 2-inch-long sucker ran out from behind the faucet when I was taking a shower, and I screamed so loud that Ben thought I was being murdered in the bathroom and came banging on the door. 

I'm sincerely happy that I can write this travel blog in a roach-free household. Hallelueh!

The best souvenir I brought back from my 1.5 month voyage in Asian is a super nasty cold that knocked me down for a total 3 days. Since I came back, I've been spending most of the time in bed caughing, sneezing and tryig to fight off headache. Among my various naps these days, I try to make my wasted time more useful by researching about my life in Caltech. I'm the kind of person that usually postone any uncessary worries till the last moment and now I'm beginning to panic. New enviroment usually scares me a little but nothing compares to new people. "How are my apartment mates like?" "Will I like the school, my mentor, my classmates?" I tried to wipe of the thoughts that I might have made the wrong decision, but every once a while I feel the throb, like my bad headache. 

The other thing that comes with moving is packing and unpacking, which will definitely be another big headache in another week or so. Well, more whinning later.

My current advisor joined the department last September and brought with her enourmous amount of equipment from Carnegie Mellon. When she first showed me around the lab, I hesitately pointed at the huge 70-gallon empty glass tank in front of me and asked her what it is. "Oh, it's a fish tank", she answered casually. I immediately pictured the scene in which 5 robotic fish swimming in the water while 3 geeky guys with 5 laptops staring at it. After all, it is a robotics lab. "So you also study robofish?" I asked, lights beaming from my eyes. She turned and smiled, "no, it's for fish, we had real fish in it back in Pittsburgh."

For a several months, I was the only one in the lab, staring at the empty fish tank. Another couple months after Brian - my advisor's grad student arrived, we decided it's time to do something about it. There's only one problem - we know nothing about fish tank!

First of all, it was the piping. The 70-gallon fish tank came in with a million handcrafted PVC tubes in 10 million shapes. We spent an hour trying to figure out what should connect to what, but no configuration makes sense. Brian, the mechanical engineering guy decided that simplicity is beauty and fixed everything up with two pipes - one from the tank to the filter and one from the motor back to the tank. The next step is to bring in the water. It was obviously a mistake that the design of the CSE building didn't take into account the need of water. As a matter of fact, the nearest source of water is the 4th bathrooms and the only equipment we have is one much-too-short tube and two buckets, we had to make 10 trips to the bathroom and hand-carried back 70 gallons of water. After the tank is filled, protection device installed (actually just a polyester board to sperate the tank with two computers next to it), we turned on the motor, Voila, the tank is officially up and running. The only problem is that it's extremely loud. Working next to it gives one the illusion of walking down Niagara Falls (Brian: "Hmm....I think there's something wrong with the piping..." Me: ".........").

The next step is to set up the livable environment. For this, we made a trip to a fish store nearby. Brian reasoned that they must had a salt water fish tank since a small bag of salt came with the tank, so we purchased everything specifically for salt water tank, including 4 bags of high quality, extremely heavy crushed shell sand. It also includes taking insults for the clerk (as we were arguing about the sand, he came over and said, "maybe you should read a book" with a look that we're two idiots) But on our way back:

Brian: "Now I think about it, I remember seeing a fish that we used to have in that store. But the tank was labeled "Fresh Water"."

Me: "Oh yeah?"

(10 seconds later....)

Brian: "Oh my god, we must had a fresh water tank!!!!"

The result is that we returned everything and did the whole shopping and arguing again.

According to the clerk in the store, the tank will be ready in a week. After a week, we were excited to finally buy some fish!!! This time we turned to refuse to be insulted again and went to a Petco and returned with 5 fish. Everything seemed perfect. We fed them every day and watched them swimmed happily (?) in the tank, until they started dying one after another in a week. One died like some toilet paper dissolving in the toilet but only nastier, one died with his eyes out, and one got sucked in the filter pipe. That's not the end of the ill fate of these fish. Bronish fungus looking stuff started to collect on the rocks, the sand, and the treasure chest. The water was literally milky. To stop our fish from dying, Brian and I made another trip to Petco. The guy there, after hearing our descrption of the unfortunate condition of the tank, determined it might be some sort of bacteria infection, and suggested we get some medicine for it.

The medicine, tetracycline, came in two dozens small package, each contains a small amount of yellowish power. The whole treament should last 5 days, and the side effect includes: discoloration of the water and foam collecting on top. We quickly observed the latter, nasty,  undying thick layer of yellowish foam never stopped the second day we walked in the lab. And the water is now PURPLE!!!!! We had no clue why it's the case, but at least the fish stopped dying and the water started to clear up.

So now we have a purple fish tank in the lab, and the greetings I get on the hallways every morning has changed from "What's that tank doing in your lab?" to "Why is the fish tank purple?" And actully it doesn't look too bad after all. :)

I went to Bioengineering's graduation on Friday night and yesterday, and it was our own graduation yesterday. As to remind us that we graduated from UW, the commencement took place in the pouring rain. The idea that I am already graduated still hasn't settled in, I'm already saying goodbye to friends with whom I have spent hundreds of rainy and sunny days with. Within a couple weeks, I will move out from the apartment that I have lived for two years and parted with my dear roommates. By the end of the month, we will be at different corners of the world, leading to different lives.

Unlike previous graduation from grade school and high schools, I feel college graduation really marks the end of an era. For most people, it is the end of 15 years of education, and after today, they will enter the real world. We all say that we will see each other again, but we all know the chances are slim. Oh well, no time for grieving, maybe tomorrow will be sunny again.

Picture: Me and my pal Nick at the reception. I had his honor cords and he had my flowers and balloon. :) More pictures to come.

Memory functions in a very interesting way. I don't usually remember the details of an event in life. I don't remember the people presentnor what really happened and how it ended, but I remember the color, the smell, the sound, the light in the air, and the shape of the cloud. I don't have much memory of my high school graduation ceremony, though it was only 4 years ago, But I remember the touch of rain drops on my skin (it happened to be raining that day). I finaly found the song "Breathe Me" by Sia, and it is the song that brings me back to San Jose in the summer of 2006.

I first heard the song when I was listening to the CD from Jo - my housemate that summer. It was one hot summer afternoon in my office in Silicon Valley Laboratory. The sun light was beautiful, the air slow, and I felt lazy. I didn't try to remember the name of the song nor the artist at that time, until I heard it on internet radio the other day. Within seconds, it brought back the memory of the sun, the kids playing next to the sprinklers, swings in the park, white skirts, ice cream, blue frisbee with blue sky, bare feet and sands between my toes, the cool night air, bike ride on Santa Teresa Way, dry air flowing in when we drove down highway 280. It was a very good summer.

(Apparently they used the song in the last episode of "Six Feet Under")

The weather this year is just messed up. The cheery blossom that always occurs concurrently with winter quarter finals week, hasn't yet arrived and the temperature is still low for Seattle in mide March. I can't wait for spring!

Spring break plan:

Thursday: Finish the dang networking project writeup with Brian

Friday - Sunday: Relax + catch up on my long-abandoned research project (seriously doubt I can finish my honor...)

Monday: pack and ready for BOSTON!!

Tuesday - Sunday: with Ben

Sunday night: back to seattle, ready for one last quarter in UW. (I'm beginning to feel sad...)

At the end of every quarter, I always think, "Geez..man, that was the toughest one I've had so far". Turned out that it's human nature to be forgetful, I simply don't remember what the past quarters were like. But this time, I can swear by my favorite ms t-shirt, that it's the WORST quarter I've ever had.

Since the beginning of the quarter, people who have seen my schedule have been giving out hearty advice - drop some class, you're not gonna make it. Turned out that I survived, but painfully. For the past few weeks, I've made Allen center home and stayed in the building ~12 hours every day, even on the weekends. The night before my 8:30 am final on OS, I went back home at 2am feeling exhausted. At that moment, I know I have to stop torture myself.

The only reason I need to take this impossible course load is because I want to graduate in spring, and since I switched major fairly late in the course, there are tons of classes I need to catch up. I remember when I interviewed at Caltech, when I was explaining my situation to the head of admission committee at dinner table, he asked me, "then why don't you stay for another year to fnish all the classes you want to take?" I paused for a second and realized there really no good reason except that "I don't want to fall behind". I used to feel life is a straight line, and all I need to do is to keep running to the end line. But as I get older, as I get to know more about the people around me, I began to realize there are many ways to live lives. It's important to be goal-oriented, but sometimes it's more benefitial in the long run to stop and rest. When I was stressed out about grad school, Ben told me that I really don't have to go to grad school right now, I can work for a year, I can go travel the world, I can study abroad, I can live in Rome for a year like what I always dream about. There are many things I can do, grad school is only one of the options.

I decided to spread some classes into summer so I can enjoy my last quarter at UW, and this summer, I decided to say no to 15K and go back to Taiwan. Like what a friend once said to me "you can always make money anytime, but you can only be 22 once".

I know I know I know.....I have been lazy to update my blog. The truth is that I'm so swamped with work that I've been spending any spare moment trying to get some sleep. The grad school application process is both frustrating and disappointing. I'm feeling smaller and smaller as days go by without good news. I'm trying not to think too much about it, and all I can do now is to hope everything will turn out for the best. I had an interesting interview weekend at Caltech last weekend. We'll see if I can remember to write about it some time later. Right now, I need to crunch in more codes....

Haven't been admitted into any school I applied to so far, I can already feel my blood pressure rising. Though Ben and everybody else keep telling me not to think too much about it, I still can't help checking my inbox every 10 seconds even on weekends. It also makes it worse that I'm having this crazy amount of workload and have no time to eat properly most of the time. I've been craving for food the whole day for the past few days and have lost a few pounds. Being hungry and hyper/anxious the whole time, I can hardly concentrate on my school work and research. All I want now is to hear back from schools so I can at least settle down knowing where I'll be and what I'll be doing for the next year.....

Ahhhhhhh....why haven't they contacted me yetttttt!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!

Our Operating System professor sent out an email this morning saying that they're starting putting Google ads on the class websites, starting from our OS class site. There will now be ads on the right column and one of the link advertise UW MBA program, and the CSE department gets money from the business school every time someone clicks on the link. This profit will go into the student activity funds (aka pizza + other stuff money). I think they can certainly use this money to buy more toners for the printers, so we don't need to run to 3 different labs to print something out. If you want to help feed some poor CSE students, feel free to click the link on this page more than once. :)

Jean, Brian and I went to a Spanish movie Pan's Labyrinth, and I have to say it's probably the best movie I've seen for the past 2 year!!! The story is about the utmost cruelty and the purest innocense in human. It's thrilling, captivating and yet beautiful. I especially love the music and can't wait to get the soundtrack from Brian. At the end of the movie, the whole theater was weeping and though Brian claimed he didn't, his eyes were all red when we walked out of the theater. We were guessing what nominations it should get for Oscar, and as I found out when we got back, our analysis was quite accurate - it's nominated for Best Foreign Picture, Best Original Screenplay, Best Original Score and other three art related item. We all agreed that it will still be a good movie if it's in English, and this will probably bring in more market for the movie, but after seeing it in Spanish, it's impossible to imagine it in English.

I highly recommend this movie; it's definitely a most-see of the year.

I was reading my operating system book on the chapter about synchronization. One of the most famous example in synchronization is the dinning philosophers problem, and the book also includes a description of this problem. As I read it, I felt there's something awkward about the writing, and I quickly realized why - all the philosophers are now women!! Instead of saying "he thinks" and "he picks the chopstick in front of him", the book uses "she" and "her" instead. I understand this is the book's approach to be "politically correct", but it's simply awkward and emphasizes the difference more. I'm used to the old style writing, and when I see "he" or "his" I immediately translate it in my head that it actually means "s/he" and "his/her". More and more people use the the "his/her" notation nowadays to make it clearer and that's completely fine with me too. But using "she" and "her" to represent both sexes seems a bit extreme to me.

Ben was telling me a joke of his father that their last names "Rossman" should be changed to "Ross'person'" instead to be politically correct. However, per"son" is still sex discriminated against women, so it should really be per"child". And the final version of their last name should be "Rossperchild". It sounds ridiculous to me at that time, but now I can't help but wonder that it might happen one day....

Picture: the famous chinese philosopher, Confucious.

I've been a bit irratated and sentimental lately. Partly from the pressure of interviews and project due and partly because Ben is in Brazil and I can't go with him. Sometimes I think life is interesting. Often we focus too much on one specific thing that we're blinded from the rest. When we were young, we strived to get good grades to get into good schools. As we get older, we compete for internships, jobs, and even better schools. But sometimes, when I look back, all of these efforts were only steps for me to build a better career. But do I really want an extremely successful career? I think life is about to find the thing and the persons that will make me happy to wake up each morning. With that, I'm contented.

I never really watched American Idol before this season, but thanks to YouTube and my roommates, I still vaguely know about Kelly Clarkson, Taylor Higgs, and the funny Asian guy who got popular a few years ago. I got hooked on it a bit these couple days and have watched two shows in a row. and the second one is about the audition in Seattle.

When a very geeky guy showed up and sang his own horrible horrible version of Unchained Melody, Jean swore that she has seen this guy in UW. However, when they interviewed this guy, he said he's a software engineer from salt lake city.

"Ummm.." I said to Jean. "No wonder you got confused, he's a software engineer and half the department looks like that."